FTR: I’m not sure it’s that unexpected. Or that you had your arm bent. I heard an interview with your father and he said when you were five you expressed a wish to be world king and by 10 had set your sights on at least being British PM.
BJ: Well yes, one needs to set achievable goals. We will see how the other one pans out but I think my mate Donald might have his eye on the world title.
FTR: I’m not sure there is an actual job description called World Leader and if there was, Vladimir and Xi are probably also interested. Speaking of Putin, I see your Electoral Commission is undertaking an inquiry into Russian influence in the Brexit vote back in 2016. It seems the Russians promoted misinformation through both fake social media accounts and state-sponsored media outlets such as RT and Sputnik. They are also looking into Aaron Banks who was the largest donor of the Brexit Campaign and though his company was insolvent had a sudden cash injection of £77 million after having visited Russia and meeting Russian officials in London.
BJ: All fake news as Donald would say. Now that I’m PM, I’ll be having a look at just what that electoral commission is up to.
FTR: Let’s talk about Brexit. You have consistently been one of the biggest advocates and now have your chance to see it through. Why are you so keen on doing this?
BJ: Because we want our own sovereignty, we don’t like their regulations, the euro is a disaster, it allows too many immigrants and we send too much money to Brussels. I could go on.
FTR: Some of that is arguable but let’s leave that there. So, you have stated that now you are PM, Britain will leave the EU do or die, come what may, even if that means leaving without a deal in place. You do realise most of your fellow politicians from both sides, nearly all of the business community and all sane people believe that a no-deal exit will be a disaster for the United Kingdom.
BJ: Well, we won’t know that until we do it. Everyone said Donald would be impeached by now and they were wrong. Did you see he rates me as a great friend and wants to do a trade deal with the UK when we exit.
FTR: I did see that. You guys have patched things up pretty well. Back in 2015 you said “The only reason I wouldn’t visit some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump”. But I agree, if you can get some sort of free-trade deal with the United States, it will be very helpful for your economy which will need some help. I hear Winston Peters rates you as a mate as well.
BJ: Yes, Winnie and I are great mates. I wasn’t happy to hear that nasty Judith Collins calling him all piss and wind. I’m also not overjoyed to hear Simon Bridges saying I have a buffoon-like quality. I’ve left those days behind me. How’s Cindy?
FTR: She’s good, I think. We can’t give her a jazzy acronym like yours, Bojo or like Scott Morrison’s ScoMo from across the ditch though. Winston says you are a great friend of New Zealand. He went as far to say you have a kind and affectionate stance towards NZ. A trade deal between the UK and NZ would go a long way to endearing you in the hearts of New Zealanders. As you know, we are in the early stages of negotiating a trade deal with the European Union but with the UK exiting, we’d love to do something with you.
BJ: I agree. I’ll get us out of the EU and then get Winnie over for a visit.
FTR: Well, good luck for the next few months. Its going to be a challenge to get the Brexit done, possibly without a deal and still remain PM and in government. You are lucky Labour seem stuck with the unelectable Corbin.
BJ: I’m relentlessly optimistic and am sure things will work out pretty good.
