Thursday, March 28, 2024

FROM THE RIDGE: Let’s stamp out misogynistic attitude

Avatar photo
Over the two decades I’ve written this column I’ve seen a change in the type of topics rural columnists are willing to approach.
Reading Time: 3 minutes

A good example is the freedom with which folk will now talk about their own battles with mental illness and in particular depression as a means of helping others to deal with their own difficulties.

I admire them greatly but have been fortunate to this point in not having experienced it myself so have left this to others.

But an issue that surfaced last week has given me pause to think and I will give my own thoughts on this matter.

We heard of appalling behaviour first by the boys from Wellington College who penned disgraceful, sexist posts on social media about women and those who supported them by liking it and followed the next day with news that four students from St Pat’s Silverstream had sexually harassed female staff members by inappropriately filming them.

Addressing these terrible failings in our society usually falls to women like the incredibly brave Louise Nicholas or those from groups such as Rape Crisis and Sexual Abuse Prevention Network. But this is not a women’s problem, it is a men’s problem and we men need to do something about it.

I was lucky in that I was brought up in a household where my mother and sisters were treated with respect. I went to a co-ed school where girls were our friends and equals and my male mates from homes like my own treated women well.

I was also fortunate that the world of the 1970s wasn’t awash in pornography nor was there social media where I could put stupid thoughts down to be read instantly by all.

I can’t recall any gutter talk like the Wellington College boys promulgated and was under no peer pressure to think of or treat girls and women badly. So, I’ve been conditioned through what I’ve observed around me to be as I am. I’ve never hit or hurt a woman.

But still I’m not perfect. I was fortunate to marry an independent and strong woman and early in our marriage I needed some training. When I would try to bend Jane to my way of thinking she would push back and accuse me of being a bully. Now she’s got me pretty well where she wants although I could still be better.

The rape culture we observed last week includes the jokes, talk and attitudes towards women which shows a lack of empathy and normalises this type of thinking. What Roger Moses, the principal of Wellington College called good boys just being foolish young men reflects an attitude that is rotten to its core.

Reported statistics from universities where these middle class educated young men go are that 1 in 4 women will be seriously sexually assaulted and 1 in 100 will be raped. And these are just the reported statistics as many go unreported. These women are our daughters, our sisters, our wives, our friends. Experiences like these will scar them for life.

Women in the media, since these examples of misogyny have surfaced, report a daily tirade of sexual suggestion and harassment. This happens every time this behaviour comes to light.

Last year we watched in utter disbelief as a man who called women “disgusting animals”, “fat pigs”, “dogs”, bragged about grabbing them by the genitals and subject to numerous complaints from women about his sexual conduct was still able to be elected as President of the United States. Just as disheartening was that 53% of white women still voted for him.

We live in the 21st century in what we consider an enlightened and fair society for goodness sake. We tut tut about societies where women are expected to wear veils or are not able to be treated as equals but we appear no better.

This type of thought and behaviour needs to stop right now.

I have three sons, young men now, and I believe and trust they have the same values and respect for women that I have.

However, in all their growing up, I never thought to sit them down and have that difficult conversation and talk about how to treat women properly, matters of consent, rape and the effects of alcohol. I suppose I just believed they would know.

Working on it never being too late I now plan to do it anyway. The examples of what has come out from those Wellington boys’ schools last week makes a good place to start.

How about other men out there have similar conversations with their sons, nephews or young men they are charged with mentoring?

Or at least get them to read this piece.

Total
0
Shares
People are also reading