FTR: New Zealand isn’t a colony and hasn’t been so since 1907. Do you think a lot of folk in the United Kingdom voted for Brexit on the mistaken belief that Great Britain is in fact a bigger deal than it actually is nowadays, a harking back to the days when you did in fact have an empire?
TM: We are called Great Britain for good reason. With our severing of the ties from Europe we will take back control of our own borders, our own laws, our own sovereignty and our own destiny.
FTR: Don’t forget the bit about your own passports again. Except for that narrow bit of ocean called the English Channel you are part of Europe and 44% of your exports go there and over half your imports come from there. It is hard to believe that you think you can simply separate.
TM: Well, as you no doubt know, I wasn’t in favour of Brexit myself but it is my destiny, I mean duty, to deliver an orderly exit from the European Union and that is what I intend to do.
FTR: I’m sure you are aware of this but it is now only 18 days until you are due to leave the EU and you still don’t have an agreement from your own Parliament on any sort of deal. Hardly anyone likes the deal you struck with the EU. The only thing unifying your own party is those four dreaded words “Prime Minister Jeremy Corbin”.
TM: We still have time to renegotiate a deal with the EU that the British Parliament will accept. I’ll stake my job on it.
FTR: The EU was never going to make it easy for the UK to leave the union. They didn’t want a precedent set and given what you have gone through it would be a very stupid and foolish country that would want to even think about leaving now.
TM: I’m going to give MPs a second chance to vote on my deal this week. If they reject that I will give them the opportunity to vote to leave without a deal which they will reject and then because I can’t think what else to do, will likely suggest we delay Brexit to buy some time to think of another cunning plan.
FTR: I have to admire your stoicism in the face of adversity but isn’t the UK blundering towards an unmitigated disaster in two weeks? You have ships on the water full of cargo and it is quite likely that when they get to their destinations they will be unable to offload as all your existing trade deals will have evaporated. I see NZ has a flurry of orders for lamb from Europe to fill the gap in April when British lamb won’t be turning up. I see there is also the little matter of your ‘divorce bill’ of £39 billion to pay to the EU.
TM: Things are in hand. We will have a deal. The prospect of a no deal will see Parliament resolve its differences.
FTR: By the way, what’s happened to David Cameron? To propose the referendum to stop the right wing of the Conservatives defecting to UKIP and get another political term was a very bad idea. It was also very foolish thing to do by putting a major constitutional decision in the hands of a simple majority. That’s why these sorts of big decisions usually require a two-thirds majority. He certainly gave you a hospital pass.
TM: I’m told David is writing his memoirs.
FTR: Well good luck for the next few weeks. You are going to need it.
