But let’s first travel back to the 1960s and a young Steve avidly reading the comics he was allowed to buy with his pocket money gained from doing various small chores.
In the back of the comics were a myriad of advertisements for a variety of very intriguing items.
I bought my Sea Monkeys and added the sachet of granules to the solution I prepared as per the instructions. A bowl full of happiness I was promised and my instant pets would swim around with their cute little faces in their family groups.
They did hatch out but were a rather underwhelming collection of very small thrashing things, which, many years later, I learnt were brine shrimp. They eventually died and I can still point out the spot where I buried them, still in their glass jar.
Of course, I was a sucker for the thing that allowed you to throw your voice. It was going to be great in standard one at Takapau School.
My ventriloquism device turned out to be something called a swazzle, which fitted uncomfortably in your mouth and made noises like a pained dog whistle. I was never able to throw my voice so it sounded like it was coming from outside the door, much to the consternation of the teacher, but the instructions did give insightful instructions on how to talk without moving your lips.
The hypno coin was a steal and was going to let me hypnotise my sisters and get them to do my bidding. The little plastic disc with the swirly pattern didn’t seem to have any effect on my sisters but before I was able to perfect the art, I lost it.
But the most enticing of all the ads in the back of the comics were the x-ray specs. This was well before puberty but, still, the ability to see through women’s clothing had a certain appeal.
I was somewhat disappointed to get a pair of plastic glasses with red and white swirly patterns in the lenses and the words “X-Ray Vision” written across the frames.
I was even more disheartened when having put them on and peering through the two small holes that not only could I not see through people’s clothing but I couldn’t see the dog’s skeletons either. However, for better or worse, they were my first set of glasses.
In recent times I’ve noticed a certain decline in my ability to discern things as clearly as in the past. Someone will shout out “gidday Steve” from a distance away and though appearing clear and distinct I haven’t quite been able to work out the facial recognition that our species is so good at.
Sounding like some sort of imbecile I’ll reply with “Who is that?”
Eventually, I took myself to the optometrist and went through a battery of tests. I didn’t yet need glasses for driving but elected to buy a pair.
I walked out of there with my newly acquired eye assistance and gazed in wonder.
I couldn’t see through the clothes of the good people of Waipukurau but I could recognise them and the far distance was sharp and clear.
I wanted to run up and down the street and get everyone to try on my new glasses so they could see how good the world really is. A couple who did said they didn’t work for them for some reason.
Driving home I could read the number plates of oncoming cars and see features on the Ruahine Ranges I didn’t know existed.
Later, tagging the stud lambs, I could read the mother’s tags easy-peasy. I had been about to increase the size of the tags, believing the supplier wasn’t printing them as distinctly as in the past.
I had planned to just wear the glasses for driving but now find it has quickly become impossible not to use them.
I was blind but now I see.
