Well I went into town the other Monday with the intention of looking for a birthday gift and started in a small china shop at the far end of town. When I came out there was the traffic warden putting a ticket under the windshield wiper of the car.
I went over and said “Come on, have a heart. I was only in that shop a few minutes. I’m an old aged pensioner”.
Then I said a very unlady-like word where upon she started to write out another ticket. This time I got a bit abusive and she ticked the box with the words “bald tyres” and proceeded to write out a third ticket.
I started to walk away, then thought to myself “What am I getting upset about?”.
I had caught the bus to town that morning.
I often catch a bus as it’s got many advantages, like no stress. You’re higher up off the ground than in a car and I can check out the condition of farmers’ cows and pastures as we glide by.
If not free it’s usually cheaper than taking the car, and if visiting family they usually offer to meet you at the bus stop. That cost is usually a bag of lollies and if you buy hot peppermints or something they don’t like they will last longer.
Then you can hop in the car and turn the stereo up to full volume, insisting you are hard of hearing. Next day ask if you can borrow the car to go shopping then ring in two hours later and explain you’re over the other side of town in a huge parking area and you can’t find their car and could someone come and help?
Or if you do manage to make it back home make sure the petrol tank is on empty – revenge is sweet.
I can’t be too tough on this family though as they are the ones I will have to rely on when I get my eye fixed. It was singular but after only four years they say they may have to laser the other eye as it is clouding over. I wonder if they do a buy-one-get-one-free, as just one eye operation will set you back the price of your two top dairy cows.
I had to get my fat carryover dairy cows pregnancy tested and knew I wouldn’t be able to read the ear tags, especially the brass ones. So I cunningly asked the young chap who was interested in purchasing some to come along and pick out his animals thinking maybe he could read the ear tags to me.
It worked a treat and I learnt the participant codes on the brass tags never use vowels, as in A, E, I, O, U. In the past Q looked very much like O to me.
One advantage of having cataracts and poor eyesight is you don’t notice your own wrinkles, dust on the furniture, spots on the windows or fluff on the carpet. My mother always told me “Marry a man older than you so that as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight”.
After going around a huge roundabout in town the other day I read a sign saying Merge Like A Zip. Two cars behind me tooted at me while another put his arm out the window and made a sign to which I signed back as my grandchildren had told me it was a Mexican greeting.
I felt it was only polite to return the greeting until I realised one of the drivers was a tad upset at the way I had cut in front of him. This prompted me to make an appointment with an ophthalmologist from Tauranga who charged me $5 a minute to look into my eye. My husband used to do that for nothing. He told me I needed the cataract removed, an operation which entailed removing the cloudy lens from behind the pupil to be replaced by a synthetic implant lens to remain permanently. This should all take about half an hour and is usually done with the aid of anaesthetic eye drops while the eye is held open with clamps.
D-day arrived and after a restless night it was comforting to sit back and relax until call-up time. Lying flat on my back for 30 minutes didn’t excite me but the team played music of my choice in the background and time passed quickly and painlessly.
At cuppa time my daughter-in-law arrived to take me back to their place, after she had eaten the biscuits they gave me. I returned next morning to the eye clinic to have the patch removed and was reassured the operation was a success and I would probably only need glasses for reading.
I will miss my spectacles though, as they hide the crow’s feet lines and tend to make one look rather intelligent. But I won’t miss them on a wet, windy day when trying to feed out hay.
Isn’t modern technology wonderful – I now have a pair of eyes that are all the better to see you with.
